My Husband Is a Narcissist, a Bully, a Manipulator, But I Cannot Leave Him.

Marriage is strange, . In the beginning, two people who were once strangers suddenly have to share almost everything: a bed, money, food, family decisions, responsibilities and, sometimes, completely different opinions about how life should be lived.

There is romance, sex and excitement. But there are also arguments and hit around

Bills.
Pregnancy.
Sleepless nights.
Raising children.
In-laws.
Household responsibilities.

And those legendary marital battles that can make two people who love each other wonder, "Why did I marry this person?"
Yet, in my opinion, these are not necessarily signs that marriage has failed. they are part of the journey.

The problem is that many people want the reward of marriage without surviving the difficult stages that produce it. The product of marriage may not be romance
When you are 25 or 30, you may think the greatest thing about marriage is sex.
At 35, perhaps it is watching your children grow.
At 45, you may be thinking about building wealth and securing the family.
But at 65 or 70, something else may become far more valuable which is having somebody beside you. Someone who knows your history. Someone who remembers the foolish things you did when you were young. Someone who understands your silence without asking questions. Someone you can sit beside without needing to entertain.

That is companionship!
And you cannot manufacture 30 years of companionship overnight, you have to build it from your early marriage.

This is where I think some people make a terrible mistake

Some marriages collapse because couples mistake the difficult early years for evidence that they chose the wrong person.

They see the arguments, sexual disagreements, financial pressure and stress of raising children and conclude "I am not enjoying this marriage anymore."

But marriage was never supposed to remain permanently in its honeymoon or enjoyment stage.

Children eventually grow up.
The sleepless nights reduce.
The house becomes quieter.
Your body structure changes.
Your sexual appetite may change.
Your career may slow down.
And suddenly, the things you thought were the most important parts of marriage are no longer the center of your life.

Then you discover something uncomfortable, you don't just miss sex. You miss having somebody.

Look around and you may see it

Sometimes an older person constantly wants visitors.
They want neighbors around
They want to know everybody's business.
They quarrel with tenants and druthers-in-laws (witch hunting)
They spend hours gossiping.
They constantly want their children to visit.
Sometimes the behaviour looks irritating from the outside, but could some of it simply be loneliness looking for somewhere to go?

Not every quarrelsome landlord or intrusive relative is lonely, of course.

But loneliness can make people restless and begin to be quarrelsome.

When companionship disappears, some people create unnecessary drama simply because silence is harder to endure than an argument.

Marriage is therefore an investment in your future self and your mental health.

The young couple fighting today or everyday may be building the old couple they will become tomorrow.

The husband who patiently endures his wife's difficult pregnancy.

The wife who stands beside her husband when money is tight.

The couple arguing about raising their children today.

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